Network Working Group A. Ramos
Request for Comments: 2323 ISI
Category: Informational 1 April 1998
IETF Identification and Security Guidelines
Status of this Memo
This memo provides information for the Internet community. It does
not specify an Internet standard of any kind. Distribution of this
memo is unlimited.
Copyright Notice
Copyright (C) The Internet Society (1998). All Rights Reserved.
This RFC is meant to represent a guideline by which the IETF
conferences may run more effeciently with regards to identification
and security protocols, with specific attention paid to a particular
sub-group within the IETF: "facial hairius extremis".
This document will shed further illumination on these problems and
provide some possible solutions.
This memo provides entertainment for the Internet community. It does
not specify an Internet standard of any kind, but is rather
unstandard, actually. Please laugh loud and hard.
It has come to the attention of THEY [1] that a certain "facial
hairius extremesis" of the male variety of the species "homo sapien"
of the sub-culture "computeris extrordinarisis" have overrun the IETF
conferences and thus led to the break-down of many identification and
safety protocols.
While collecting research about the sub-group "facial hairius
extremis" (FHE), it was noted that the per capita appearance of FHEs
at IETFs was largely disproportional with the existence of FHEs in
the world-at-large. In fact, the existence of facial hair at all
within the IETF community is extraordinarily common among the males
of the group. Apart from ZZ-Top and WWF Wrestling, it is not
possible to find more facial hair within any occupational group. In
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RFC 2323 IETF Identification and Security Guidelines 1 April 1998
this author's own experience the average amount of men with long-term
facial hair is less than 20%. Long-term versus short-term facial
hair is a very important distinction as short-term facial hair, also
known as the temporary illness "goatee universitis" (which symptoms
range from full goatees to the less popular chin-goatee) is a common
affliction for university-based males. Per capita (temporary) facial
hair can go as high as 40%. However, among the males of the IETF the
per capita long-term facial hair is as high as 60% [2].
Ordinarily, this abundance of long-term FHE would not require that an
RFC be written. However, increasingly there have been issues
regarding mistaken identification. For security purposes as well as
ease of identification, this RFC will serve to clarify these issues
and hopefully provide a solution for them.
I was speaking to a very well-known network researcher, I'll call him
--jon., who tells me that he is often mistaken for a SOBbing Harvard
person. --jon. says, "People tell someone to look for me or him and
say that I'm about so-tall with a big white beard, and suddenly
people are coming up to me and saying, 'Hi Scott' and he often tells
me that he is mistakenly hailed as, '--jon.'. Often the mistake is
made solely on the appearance of our facial hair."
Another story --jon. told me is that once a woman called looking for
a computer researcher but only having a first name and physical
description. The receiptionist asked for the description and the
woman said she was looking for an older Caucasian man with a beard.
The receptionist reportedly blurted out, "they all have beards!!!!"
On a more personal note, two researchers who were both employed at
USC/ISI shaved their very famous facial hair and were both
unrecognizable to friends and co-workers alike. If it weren't for
B.M.'s Grateful Dead T-shirts and lack of shoes, or R.V.M.'s voice I
would have never recognized them.
It is obvious to this researcher that facial hair of any variety is a
very recognizable characteristic. Indeed, when giving a description
of a male who has facial hair, it is always one of the first
characteristics given. Ordinarily this would not be a problem, since
facial hair in the world at large is below 20%. However, when used
as a description at IETFs, disaster can insue.
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RFC 2323 IETF Identification and Security Guidelines 1 April 1998
There are two parts to my proposed solution: the role of the seeker
and the role of the FHE.
For those who are seeking a FHE of known identity:
-It is important to recognize these men as individuals.
Just because a man has the facial hair you are looking for,
please stop to inquire if you have the correct person. Think
of what a blow it is to a person's ego to be constantly
misidentified, and think of how annoying it is to be hailed by
someone across a crowded IETF room and they are yelling the
WRONG NAME. So remember to look, identify, and ask BEFORE you
begin rambling on about some Internet stuff.
For the FHE:
-Give proper signals when being sought.
If someone mistakenly calls you the wrong name, do not lose
heart. Count to 10 and commonly reply, "You must have mistaken
me for so-and-so, I am not that person.", and walk away. Also,
if someone calls you from across a room, raise your your arm,
smile and wave vigorously in affirmation or raise your arm,
shake your head and give them a sign that you are not who they
are looking for. As an FHE it is part of your responsibility
to understand that facial hair is an extremely identifiable
physical characteristic. Understand that non-FHE people do not
mean any harm.
In closing, I hope you found this RFC worthwhile and that it raised
some interesting points. I also hope that I was able to further the
cause of FHE and to make everyone's life a little bit easier. ;^)
[1] THEY
THEY, "We Who Everyone Quotes But Doesn't Know Who We Are", Pop
Culture, April 1998.
[2] 60% of IETF men have facial hair
A. Ramos, "Damn, A Lot Of Men Here Have Facial Hair", ISI Talk,
September 1997.
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RFC 2323 IETF Identification and Security Guidelines 1 April 1998
I would like to thank the men of ISI who inspired me to write this
RFC. I hope that my work will make life easier for you, and that the
cases of mistaken identity will not be as common in the future
because of this RFC. I understand your plight and feel for you.
Good luck.
Thanks to my life partner, Martin, who's reoccuring affliction of
goatee universitis is a constant source of joy for me.
Copyright (C) The Internet Society (1998). All Rights Reserved.
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